A lot of people think this word means "indifferent", probably because it sounds the same. However, it actually means "feeling contradictory emotions at the same time for the same object or person"
On the one hand, I like the idea of having an outlet for my insights and rants. I think it would be good to vent sometimes and also good to share my ideas with others for their benefit. I often have thoughts I consider good enough to share with a wider audience than the internal lining of my cranium.
On the other hand, I'm quite an introvert and spilling my innermost often takes lots of energy and momentum. I'm not naturally forthcoming with information. Also once bared, I then feel exposed. That I have given away too much and will be judged because of it.
I've started up blogs before and they generally become graveyards of thought, occasionally getting the odd post twice a year when I feel like I've slipped into obscurity and no-one knows what I've been up to.
However, a number of things have prompted me to think about starting one up again:
- I'm discovering that volunteering information can be quite helpful to a conversation. I've always been more of a listener. So here is my chance to get some practice.
- Frivolous talk often annoys me. I'm happy to have a D&M with someone soon after meeting them. However as Steve McKerney pointed out, most people won't talk about the deeper things until they've built up a rapport starting with the trivial.
- I'm working up North without a wife for every 3 out of 4 weeks, so I'm getting much less relational interaction. That was fine for a while (a chance to really get into some computer games). But now it's a getting a bit lonely up here. I could stop playing Knights of the Old Republic for 5 hours a night and do something more interpersonal.
- The cycle of life rolls on... time to try again at past things failed.
So there it is. After reading a number of people's blog I have become inspired again. Now we shall see what happens.
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